West End Stadium's Clear Bag Policy Is Just One More Insulting Example of Security Theory and Also It Annoys My Wife

Many visitors to The FC's "Meet Your Seat" event last Sunday were surprised to learn that West End Stadium, like in many other stadiums in the police state known as the America, will have a clear bag policy.  Those unaware of the rules were forced to walk shamefully to a truck parked on Central Avenue and putting their possessions – possibly full of priceless heirlooms and life-saving medication – into a locker.  This policy is bad for the team, insulting to the fans, damaging to the gameday environment, and most importantly my wife complains about it.

While the on-field product has been poor, fans could point to the team's actions in the community as proof that, despite the losing, the FC is a good corporate citizen and a positive addition to our city.  But by adopting this policy, the FC has positioned itself firmly on the "Ron Jans" side of social justice, as well as the "No" side of whether my wife will want to come to games with me.  The list of Non-Approved Bags includes:

  • Purses (anti-woman)
  • Mesh bags (anti-people who like free things from half marathons)
  • Backpacks (anti-teen)
  • Clear backpacks (anti-teens who didn't read the clear bag policy closely)
  • Diaper bags (anti-family)
  • Fanny packs (anti-German)
  • Seat cushions (anti-people who don't know what a bag is)
  • Camera case (anti-social media influencer)
  • Binoculars case (age and disability discrimination)
  • Tinted plastic bag (anti-military, because MREs come in these)
  • Oversized tote bag (anti-environment)
  • Printed pattern bag (anti-people who came straight from Trader Joe's)

After September 11, the country made a number of panicked decisions that have had permanent consequences.  Air travel has forever changed, despite the fact that it is still remarkably safe and that the security procedures are more cosmetic than effective.  The United States entered two disastrous wars, the consequences of which we are only beginning to understand.  We destabilized the Middle East, leading to the loss of our perceived legitimacy on the world stage and the rise of organizations like ISIS.  America committed numerous crimes against humanity, from Abu Ghraib, to Guantanamo Bay, to the torture program, to drone strikes, all in the name of security.  And the Dixie Chicks were unfairly cancelled, just because of their bad cover of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide.

I fear, with this clear bag policy, the FC is just repeating the sins of the past, with the same flawed thinking that destroyed our civil liberties and dragged our country into countless interminable overseas conflicts.  And also they are annoying my wife.  I can only hope that they rethink this decision, for both our sakes.