Source: What in the Niche Hell Are We Doing?
(the following post is solely the viewpoint of the author and an untold thousands of dedicated readers)
There’s nothing like an FC home game to remind us how unimportant our hyper specific takes are. While the angry / extremely online segment of fans debate mostly meaningless minutiae, the masses feast on the obvious. The goodness and crapness of the team versus the academic debate around the process and release of information- and oh sweet god just reading those words kill me. I am undoubtedly one of the extremely online and maybe it’s time I come home to Jesus.
As host of the most popular FC podcast and table-setter for the following week of takes, I tend to get a false sense of self. The average Joe in section 218 has no idea there is a sycophantic cult of soccer insurrectionists concocting brainless FC conspiracies. Timmy at the top of The Barley doesn’t care if The Post had the Kyle Scott rumor first. These folks care if Kyle Scott scores on a Saturday, and if the FC won (author’s note: Kyle Scott isn’t on the team anymore). 99% of fans have no clue what I'm implying with a bracelet subtweet, or a throwaway reference to a 2017 FC bench player. Yet here I am, mocking my enemies and ignoring the juicy red meat. X’s and O’s, the Lucho’s and Moreno’s.
How do we escape this tiny bubble and reach the flyover fans? I’m sick of the gilded tower full of Berding’s scoops and velvet rope entries. I wanna embrace the weekend warriors, not the 24/7 keybored ape meme lords. I want to take fans I hardly know to a nice steak dinner and not feel weird about it. There’s not enough days in this life to spend one extra moment doing anything but loving the beautiful game for what it is. Let’s figure out how to do away with the petty nonsense. Where is the rot and how can we cut it out?
Recently The Post Cincy contributor legally named Grayson Chalmers started his own niche news cycle with a strong take on anonymous sources. Here at The Post, the criteria for making a post is you write something and try to spell most of the words corectly. That’s it! You’re good to go. Like a goddamn lighting bolt though, that article hit 100 (100!) page views within a day! While an undeniably massive number, you’d be surprised to learn that 100 clicks is a relatively small number when compared to the number of FC fans in this town. What should have been a classic The Post midday article floating around in the empty ether, suddenly became the topic du jour amongst some of my least favorite people. This included former KLR co-host Zach, who was terminated for breach of solidarity within the Super Content League.
You may have disagreed with the article’s thesis, but professor Chalmers at least made some interesting points. It doesn’t take an investigative journalist to see that The Post itself has feasted on anonymous sources for years, and surely won’t stop anytime soon. But it’s a big tent here, full of big ideas, and the only hard and fast rule is that you refer to the team as FC. Do you think anyone else has input on whatever it is I’m typing right now? Come on folks. Unless we post the numbers to diffuse a ticking bomb, what does any of this matter? There sadly is no vast conspiracy; no Jeff Berding puppeteering behind the scenes. In this case all we had were the musings of a single man with whom some of us agree, and some of us do not.
Then why post anything at all?’ you may be asking. Well that’s really the thirteen million dollar question behind all of this. My desperation to connect with our own hayseed supporters is a fever dream. In reality I don’t want to reach anyone else. I want to fill my skinny pants with hot take rocks like Virginia Woolf and wade gently into the Ohio niche River. Then, and only then, I can bask in the solitary sound of the one correct voice: the one inside my head.